There’s no conspiracy, but there’s possible corruption to burgers that we’ve seen never before. After 30 minutes of thinking, I’d like to present to you “Nothing-Burgergate”. Why burger? There will be good comparison but mostly because I ate a burger last night and that I’m on 3 hours of sleep.

To preface, buying labubu’s and drinking matcha is fine, they really are nothing new. They’re just fads, harmless. Matcha existed long ago and happened to gain popularity and Labubus happened to be the cutest collectables of today as of writing this.

Harm #

There’s been some harm to beef patties of the world, but not true harm. Let me explain.

In a burger there’s buns, beef patties, cheese, lettuce, tomato, and hopefully pickles. I could imagine people who could be beef patties. They lack taste, that’s it. They’re very common in burgers. In-fact, patties are what make a burger, a burger, no matter how tasteless it can be. Sure, a patty can present itself as well-done or medium rare, but its flavor will be overshadowed by a feta cheese, a piece of bacon, or perhaps a bite of a pickle slice. A burger needs a patty, or else it’ll be a weird grilled cheese sandwich.

Truth Nuke #

“Why the hell is my beef patty dark green? Why does it have a seared devil’s face on-top of it instead of the classic grill marks? You’re telling me it’s from Dubai? It’s cut from cows that eat the purest grass and get ceremonially sliced? What is going on?” is what I asked myself these first months of the performative meta. The patties are derailing from burger standards. They might look green with a Lucifer on it’s face, but once you assemble the burger the old fashioned way and take a bite out of it, the taste is the same.

If you have been affected by the Nothing-Burgergate, you are not alone. It’s just that the patties looked really different and sound weird to eat. It’s a nothing burger, there is no harm. The real victims are the burger enjoyers, they need to accept the world has always been like this, it’s just more abrupt. Patty factories are larger and faster nowadays to keep up with the burger consumption. A factory might push special looking patties to major burger joints, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t normal patties somewhere else. Hell, there’s a world where other burger enjoyers don’t even know about the newest factory patty.

Some burger enjoyers like myself despise the factory patty, but there’s really nothing they can do. They can laugh at the patty, criticize the patty, or simply not eat the patty, but a burger is a burger man. Just eat it.