As a preface, I hate the term “anxiety” to describe anxiety itself. It’s an overused word that is too powerful for its average description of events and or feelings that it’s used in. I believe that giving the word power in itself is a problem. That’s why I have an unusual obsession with “uncertainty.”

Uncertainty isn’t just the unknown, it’s somehow known and lives around every corner. Decisions could be made with confidence, but still lies uncertainty. There’s no escaping uncertainty, it’s a natural force in everything that is done or un-attempted.

Evolution #

At first bout, uncertainty feels “weird,” it can’t be answered unless found out. For the lucky, finding out brings more uncertainty, “What happens after once I know?” For the unlucky, it also feels weird too, but at least they did what was uncertain. The first experience will now forever linger. And no, the luck shouldn’t be switched. If you think they should, you haven’t died yet.

It’s easy to succumb to uncertainty in a sinful and hedonistic way, especially for those who refuse to live. Living in a bubble where everything is certain feels like an embrace. Nothing is done to advance. It’s somewhat selfish and evil to not use the life you’re given to experience what life could be, especially when history exists and billions have died advancing the future.

A death is needed for the lucky. Something needs to spark the flames. Maybe it’s the realization that feeling uncertain is boring, that everything has been done already, or maybe your chungus life is too short to care (fair but lame spark). Whatever it is, those who die will realize that they’ve always been playing with uncertainty. Thus, they understand the game.

Answer #

The answer to uncertainty is more uncertainty, if you know you know. Just kidding, I won’t gate keep. It’s curiosity. In other words, curiosity is just another word for uncertainty. Weird. Curiosity isn’t the only thing that’s needed, it’s the act of actually doing something about it. Fuck, that’s hard. I know. The answer needs a secret third thing, patience.

Uncertainty is also curiosity of the unknown, it’s the act of asking questions. Doing something is the hardest part, especially in an environment where everything is easy. If everything is easy, then it’ll be harder to actually get the answer because it takes work to get it. Therefore, patience is needed.

Love, an example #

Here’s one of my favorite examples.

What is the meaning of love? I don’t know, it fill me with so much uncertainty!

A lot of people would have different answers. Possibly, they repeat something that they’ve heard that sounded agreeable, in other words a generic answer. If they actually know what love is to them, it might be something they can’t explain, even after years of a loving relationship. Perhaps, they’re super confident to describe it in a single sentence.

To me, there’s nothing more painful, euphoric, selfish, selfless, human, demonic, certain, and uncertain than love.

The fact that I feel so many things for something so uncertain makes my heart race just thinking about it! Maybe I feel so giddy because there’s something wrong with me, maybe I’m in love with someone, or both. If I was heartbroken, I would’ve said the opposite, maybe?

I could go on about how nuanced it is, but I digress.

Chasing feelings #

Quenching uncertainty is the most human thing to do. It builds taste in that thing that is uncertain. The more experience is experienced, the more uncertain it gets. It’s a paradox that allows you to get more curious and build more taste by doing. This all comes if you succumb to it in a human way.

In other words, visualize a dog chasing it’s tail, but the tail is just a “feeling”. It’s a dog thing to do, but who said there’s no human version of it?

For those that are lucky, uncertainty is the best thing to ever happen and experience. It’s the best seed. Taste is taught early and the chase slowly becomes invigorating.