I’m lying back next to this thin window shielding me from my first piercing blizzard that’s both fortunately and unfortunately predicted to be the biggest one on the east coast. I’m tapping my chilled fingers on my phone spelling out words that describe how much I dislike select parts of you that I’ve experienced just by being next to you, yet I’m sure that you have similar sentiments pertaining to me too. Despite that, I still love you so much.
It’s a complete whiteout right now. Overlooking the highway, the silhouette of cars are non-existent from afar, only their head lights distinguish them from the void. The heater that I set to 78 degrees fahrenheit in my hotel room isn’t working as intended, or maybe it’s just the cold seeping through the window warning me of the outside. Our improvised misadventures in NYC are now gone to the snow and so is my enthusiasm for New Jersey.
I was watching the ecstatic weather forecaster talk about how really fucked up this blizzard is. I’d feel the same way only if I had a place to call home during these times and a computer to play Deadlock throughout. Your town was labeled on their map with a visualization of how much snow you’d get per hour and it made me remember the hot and fresh food that I bought and dropped off outside your door. I was looking forward to eating with you guys, but I was denied the chance.
I’ve talked to too many people today to deal with problems in general. I locked myself out of my initial hotel, they forgot their phone at my place, you called because you wanted food, I had to book another hotel because your mom is the grinch, I called to deal with the car rental situation, and I booked another day at this current hotel to wait out the storm. Finally, peace has been achieved, but the winter wonderland’s melancholy just arrived.
There were too many problems on this weekend vacation and not a lot got done. We did all that we could but nothing that I really wanted to do despite my will to travel here.
If I had gone alone, I’d be fulfilled going to all the places that don’t make any sense to you, but I wouldn’t have had comforting conversations with two humans about things that don’t really matter at all while Bluey plays on the TV. I also wouldn’t have devoured that cheesecake we had inside that cute cafe which made up for eating and drinking aesthetic-slop that people our age seem to enjoy.
A mutual of mine proclaimed an opposing epigraph, “I yearn for an isolated existence so badly, unhealthily so. I want to be alone at 3am dreading the future, I want to face all of life’s difficulties by my lonesome. I love the crushing feeling of being alone, no one’s coming to save me, and I’m excited for it!”
Ultimately disagreeing, It prompted me to respond with this blog post in context, “Come to New Jersey, it’s a perfect place for this.” Heh.
You asked if I stocked up on groceries, I really wish I had the ability to say yes but I was mentally overloaded and couldn’t care less about my own well being. It didn’t really matter anyways, I thought I’d be hungry tonight, but I guess I’m full from snacking on my self-grown thoughts sitting by the ostensibly white painted window.
chungus in snow (@yumyumyamq)